Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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