He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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