I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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