His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
