If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
