Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
