When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
