I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
