Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
