Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
