fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
