tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
