As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
