Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize