How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
