If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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