I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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