I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
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