I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
