the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
