yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Come on in and take your pants off
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