these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
