my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Randomize
