he wants to bone in the snuggie
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
