I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
