So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
