Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
