Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
