I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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