you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
