Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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