i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
How's work?
Spinning.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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