Say something about gay babies.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
