I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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