East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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