I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
