): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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