He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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