We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
