Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
