Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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