Don't you send me to vm
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
