did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
