He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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