Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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