Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
