You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
