Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize