I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
