the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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