is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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