I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
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