Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Randomize
