You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
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He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
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I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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