i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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