She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
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