not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
