theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Randomize
