Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
