i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
