8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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