I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
