i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
