every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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