why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
