I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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