overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
