i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
