I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
