so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
