hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
