yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
last night I used snow as a chaser
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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