Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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