GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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