Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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