he wants to bone in the snuggie
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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