Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Randomize
