Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
no, he came in my armpit
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
