my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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