Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
