chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
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A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
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I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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