She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
