this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
