I am in a vortex of obligation.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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