my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
