How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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