Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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